Embracing July: A Journey of Motherhood, Loss, and Love

Today is July 1st, and this month always brings a flood of emotions for me. It's the month I first became a mother, a moment that filled my heart with indescribable joy. But it’s also the month when I faced the unimaginable loss of my daughter, Alivia, a loss that still echoes through my life.

Earlier this week, I heard a song with the lyric, “We aren’t angry at you love, you are our greatest loss.” Those words struck a chord deep within me because they capture the essence of my grief and love. As much as it hurts, July will always be the month I became a mother to my sweet girl, Alivia. Her memory is a blend of profound pain and boundless love.

July also brought me another beautiful gift – Alivia’s sister. Her arrival brought light into a month that once felt consumed by sorrow. Now, I find solace in knowing they share a birth month. It’s a special bond they have, a silent connection that brings me comfort and a sense of peace.

This month stirs a whirlwind of emotions within me – joy, heartache, tears, frustration, disappointment, happiness, anxiety, overwhelm, and gratitude. Each feeling is a part of my journey as a mother. Sixteen years have passed since Alivia’s death, and in that time, I’ve learned that these emotions are meant to be felt, shared, acknowledged, and embraced. They are all valid, and they shape who I am.

Alivia’s death is the greatest loss I’ve ever experienced, but it’s also one of my greatest loves. Her memory lives on in every beat of my heart and every breath I take. July, with all its complexities, reminds me of that eternal love – a love that transcends pain and loss, a love that defines me as a mother.

Through this journey, I’ve come to understand that grief and joy can coexist. They intertwine, teaching me that it’s okay to feel deeply and to let those feelings shape my life. Each July, I am reminded of the resilience we have, the power of love, and the beauty of life, even amidst profound loss.

Alivia’s life, though brief, taught me so much about love, strength, and the importance of cherishing every moment. Her legacy lives on through her sister (and other siblings) and in the depths of my heart. This month, I honor that legacy by embracing all the emotions it brings, knowing they are a testament to the profound impact Alivia has had on my life.