The Unapologetic Truth About Self-Care: You Come First in Life.

I'm so honored to welcome our guest blogger, Angela, to the space today. Angela is sharing her heartfelt perspective on self-care after loss—a topic that often goes unspoken but is so deeply needed. With grace and vulnerability, she reminds us that caring for ourselves in the wake of grief is not only important, but an essential part of healing. Thank you, Angela, for offering your voice and wisdom to this community.

The Unapologetic Truth About Self-Care: You Come First in Life. 

Ten years ago this October, my world stopped. My daughter, Avianna Elizabeth, died—and in the silence that followed, I realized something society, or my parents never taug
ht me:

If I wanted to survive, if I wanted to show up for anyone I loved ever again, I had to start showing up for myself first.

This wasn't some grand realization I reached sitting cross-legged in a therapy chair. It was a messy, brutal truth that found me in the quiet moments when no one else was around. I had been running on empty for years, convincing myself that being a good partner, employee, daughter, mother, and friend meant sacrificing my needs for everyone else's.

And I know I’m not alone in this. You’ve probably heard (or said) this before:
“My kids come first.”
“My husband needs me.”
“I just don’t have time for myself right now.”

But here’s what I want to challenge you with: What if the best way to care for them… is to take care of you?

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Survival

Let’s address the elephant in the room: self-care often gets a bad rap. 

People hear the phrase and immediately picture bubble baths, overpriced face masks, or a weekend retreat no one has the time or money for. But self-care is so much deeper than that. It’s not an Instagram trend. 

Self-care is the act of preserving your mental, physical, and emotional energy so you don’t fall apart while trying to hold everything together.

There’s a reason why airplanes tell you to put your oxygen mask on first. Yo
u’re no good to anyone if you’re unconscious.

And yet, so many people avoid self-care as if it’s optional. 

In both of my careers as a speech pathologist and grief mentor, I’ve seen this pattern over and over again. The people doing the most for others often do the least for themselves.

They’re exhausted, anxious, and resentful, running on fumes but telling themselves this is what “being a good person” looks like.

I was that person once. 

Until I lost Avianna.

Suddenly, nothing felt worth it. The hustle, the to-do lists, the external validation-it all felt hollow. What mattered now was figuring out how to stay alive inside my own skin.

And that journey started with this one rule: I take care of myself first.

Breaking the Myth of Hustle Culture

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably internalized a toxic message somewhere along the way: rest is something you earn. You’re only allowed to take care of yourself after you’ve checked every box.

It’s this glorified hustle culture that tells us if we’re not doing twenty things before 9 AM, we’re failing. Rest becomes indulgent. Stillness becomes laziness, and  “me time” becomes a selfish luxury.

Let me say this clearly: That’s a lie.

There’s a massive difference between avoiding your responsibilities and intentionally prioritizing yourself. When I don’t take time to refill my energy, I don’t just get tired. I unravel.

I’m impatient. I’m reactive. I start snapping at people I love. I forget things. I stop showing up the way I want to. That’s not me being a bad person-that’s me being an empty person.

That version of me isn’t who my clients need. It’s not who my friends need, and it’s certainly not who my daughter would want me to be in her honor.

So What Does Self-Care Look Like for Me?

If I give you insight to my own self care preferences, maybe you will find it easier to start to cultivate your own. Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. More importantly, it is different for everyone. For me, it’s about small, meaningful acts that refill my soul.

Here’s what it often looks like in my world:

• Journaling: This is my anchor. Whether I’m working through thoughts, mapping out my week, or simply writing a letter to Avianna, journaling grounds me in the present and helps me when things start to feel heavy or unclear.

• Daily Walks
  Every day, I take a five-mile walk. It’s not about pace or performance. It’s about consistency. These walks are where I check in with myself, breathe deeper, and reset w
  ithout distractions. It’s become a sacred part of my routine. Even the coldest of  temperatures on my skin, makes me feel alive. This is my single non-negotiable task for the day. 

• 
  Hiking
  When I have the opportunity to hike, it’s different from my everyday walk. It requires more effort, more presence. The terrain challenges me physically, and that exertion mirrors the emotional work I’ve done. Each hike feels like a small act of reclaiming strength.

• Being in Nature
  Nature doesn’t fix the pain, but it softens it. Trees, water, even cold air on my skin-it all reminds me that I’m still part of something bigger, even when I feel lost. 

• A Go-To Playlist
  Music can shift my energy in minutes. I keep a few playlists ready depending on what I need: one for grounding, one for empowerment, one for nostalgia. It’s a simple, accessible way to move through emotion instead of avoiding it.

• Fifteen Minutes in My Hanging Chair
  This is my reset button. I don’t bring my phone. I don’t multitask. I just sit. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I breathe. Sometimes I do nothing at all. It’s a small window of stillness that gives me back more than it takes.

The “I Don’t Have Time” Myth

One of the most common things I hear is:
“I’d love to do those things… but I just don’t have time.”

Let me lovingly call BS.

You have time for your work meetings. You have time to drive your kids to soccer practice. You have time to scroll Instagram. So you can have time for yourself—you’re just not scheduling it like the priority it is.

I treat my self-care like a non-negotiable appointment. It goes on my calendar. I honor it like I would a doctor’s visit or a client call. Because I am my most important client. You are, too.

If the idea of overhauling your routine sounds overwhelming, try this:

Pick one thing.

One walk. One playlist. One 10-minute journal session. One conversation.
Do it once. Then again. Build from there.

The point isn’t perfection. It’s consistency. Consistency is how you stay anchored, especially when the waves of grief or stress start to pull you under.

The Hardest Part: Believing You're Worth It

Sometimes we avoid self-care because we don’t think we deserve it.

We think, “I haven’t done enough today.”
“I’m not important enough.”
“There are people who need me more than I need myself.”

But let me tell you this: you don’t have to earn self-care!

This is similar to the notion you have to earn dessert by working out. That mindset creates a toxic relationship with food and your body, and the same goes for rest, joy, and taking care of yourself. 

Self-care isn’t a reward for productivity. It is a necessity for survival. You don’t have to prove your worth before giving yourself what you need.

So let me be your voice of reason. You are worth caring for—even if you didn’t do the laundry.

You are worth resting—even if your inbox isn’t empty.
You are worth showing up for—even if no one else sees how hard you’re trying.

Grief taught me this the hard way. But I’m telling you now in case you need someone to believe it for you (until you can believe it yourself).

A Few Quick Self-Care Strategies You Can Try Today

If you’re ready to prioritize yourself, truly prioritize, here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Set a 15-minute timer and do something that brings you peace. No interruptions, no guilt.
   
   

2. Make a “mood shifter” list—songs, places, people, smells that bring you back to yourself. Post it somewhere visible.
   
   

3. Schedule one appointment with yourself this week. Put it on your calendar.
   
   

4. Unfollow one account on social media that makes you feel inadequate.
   
   

5. Say “no” to one thing that isn’t aligned with your energy this week.
   
   

6. Say “yes” to one thing that makes you feel more like you.

You Deserve You

When I look back at myself in the first months after Avianna died, I see someone completely worn down-mentally, physically, emotionally. I didn’t know how to take care of myself because, truthfully, I’d never been taught that I should.

But ten years later, I’ve learned that taking care of yourself isn’t indulgent. It’s necessary.

When you start prioritizing your own well-being, everything else shifts. You show up more present. More steady. More like the version of yourself you actually want to be-for your family, your work, and your life.

You don’t have to overhaul your whole routine. Just start with one small thing. Put it on your calendar. Protect it like you would anything else that matters.

Because it does matter.
Because you matter.

Angela is a devoted mother, speech pathologist, grief mentor, and the founder of Fly Avi Fly—a heartfelt business born from the loss of her daughter on October 20, 2015. In the aftermath of unimaginable grief, Angela began creating handmade items as a therapeutic outlet, which soon evolved into a mission to raise awareness about child loss and support others walking a similar path. Today, Angela not only continues to create with intention but also mentors other loss moms and hosts healing retreats designed to foster connection, rest, and reflection. Through her work, she offers a safe space for grieving mothers to feel seen, supported, and never alone.