Navigating the Holidays While Grieving: Finding Peace Amidst the Pain

As the holiday season approaches, many of us are swept up in the familiar hustle and bustle. But for those grieving, this season can be one of the most challenging times of the year. It’s a time when losses feel heightened, the empty chairs at the table more glaring, and the absence of loved ones more painful.

 After a chaotic few months filled with transitions and the constant focus on my family, I feel the weight of the approaching holidays. And, truthfully, the holidays can be tough for anyone who’s grieving.

After Alivia passed, the first Christmas felt unbearable. It should have been spent celebrating with our sweet 5-month-old baby girl, but instead, I was questioning the point of celebrating anything at all. My heart was heavy with anger and sadness, and I wanted nothing more than to avoid the season entirely. Watching family and friends delight in holiday music, gift-giving, and festive gatherings, I felt like the world was moving forward without me, leaving me trapped in sorrow. How could I possibly celebrate this beautiful holiday without my daughter?

One afternoon, as Nate and I prepared to head back to our apartment, my mom suggested I take a small 6-foot Christmas tree she had adorned with sparkling garland and lights. I refused, feeling adamant that there would be no decorations in our home that year. But she slipped it into the trunk of our car anyway, sensing what I might need even before I did. It stayed there for days, untouched, until one quiet evening when I found myself sitting alone in our living room, wondering what our holiday season might look like if we had a tree.

Slowly, I unpacked the tree my mom had given me. Once assembled, its soft white lights illuminated the room, filling it with a warmth I hadn’t felt in months. The act of decorating became a way for us to honor Alivia. Over the next few days, Nate and I searched for ornaments that reminded us of her — angels, butterflies, the letter A — anything that felt connected to her spirit. By the end, we had created what we called “Alivia’s Angel Tree.” It became a peaceful corner of our home, a beautiful tribute to our baby girl, and a small comfort amid the heartache. I am forever grateful my mom understood what I needed, even when I couldn’t see it for myself. Mothers have a special way of knowing.

Now, decorating Alivia’s Angel Tree has become one of our most treasured family traditions. Tonight, we hung each ornament together, sharing stories, memories, and smiles. The kids ask questions about their sister, and each one lovingly places ornaments on the branches. It’s a bittersweet tradition, but it brings us closer as a family. In those moments, we remember, honor, and hold her close.

If you’re grieving this season, I wish I could say it won’t be hard, but the reality is, it may feel nearly impossible at times. The holidays may bring up intense emotions, and for a while, they might just be something to survive. But over time, with support and gentle healing, you’ll find ways to weave your love and your loss into this season. Grief and joy can coexist, and with time, you’ll learn to carry both. 

If this season is hard for you, know you’re not alone. Remember that there’s no right way to grieve during the holidays, and it’s okay to create new traditions or modify old ones. Surround yourself with people who understand, find comfort in the small things, and allow yourself the space to feel every emotion that comes. And maybe, like us, you’ll find that even in the hardest seasons, there’s a way to bring a little light into the darkness — a light that reminds us our loved ones are still close, especially during the holidays.