Sweet Sixteen, Sweet Alivia

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” —Winnie the Pooh

Today marks 16 years since I brought my sweet Alivia into this world. Time has flown by, yet it feels like just yesterday when I held her tiny, delicate fingers in mine. The pain of losing a child never truly goes away; it's an ache that nestles deep within your heart, a void that can never be filled. But on this bittersweet day, I want to honor and cherish the beautiful memories of my sweet girl, for she made me a mother—a gift I'll forever hold dear.

This morning, I woke up with a heavy heart. Emotions are overwhelming, and the memories flood my mind. I can't help but wonder who she would be now—what dreams she would chase, what passions would ignite her soul, and what kind of woman she'd have blossomed into. What kind of big sister would she be? The "what-ifs" and "could-have-beens" are a constant companion in this journey of loss.

This year's milestone in my grief journey feels different. It hits with so such intensity. I have tried to mentally prepare for this day, but what I have learned about grief is that it just doesn’t care. Grief is not a straight path. It's a mix of emotions, twisting and turning in unexpected ways. I've accepted that it's okay not to have it all figured out, to feel lost in the waves of sadness and nostalgia. In leaning into my grief, I've found a strange solace—an avenue to connect with my sweet girl, even if she's not physically here.

Alivia, my precious angel, I miss you every single day. Your absence is a void that can never be filled, but it's also a reminder of the infinite love you brought into my life. You made me a mother, and for that, I am forever blessed. You taught me to cherish every moment, to love fiercely, and to find strength even in the darkest times. The love we share transcends time and space, and though you're not here with us, I know you're celebrating with us from somewhere beyond.

I think about the little things—your soft skin, the way your tiny hand fit perfectly in mine. The moments we had together, though bittersweet, are treasures I hold close. They remind me of the profound impact you had on my life in such a short time.

As the years have passed, I've tried to keep your memory alive in the hearts of those who love you. We talk about you often, sharing stories and imagining what life would be like if you were here with us. Your brothers  and sister, though they never had the chance to meet you, know about their big sister who watches over them and loves them always. We've created traditions in your honor, like lighting a candle when we miss you, and the creating the Alivia Angel tree at Christmas. These small acts help us feel connected to you, reminding us that love knows no boundaries.

Grief is a journey with no map, no set destination. Some days, the weight of your absence is almost unbearable, while other days, I find peace in the memories we created. I've learned that it's okay to have moments of profound sadness, to let the tears fall, and to miss you deeply. These emotions are a testament to the love I have for you—a love that will never fade.

On your 16th birthday, my sweet Alivia, we send our love to you. Your light continues to shine in our hearts, and we find comfort in knowing that you're watching over us, guiding us through life's challenges. Happy Birthday, my sweet girl! We love you, always and forever.